I had a few alternate titles to this blog post: Ode to Wine (but I can’t write a song so that didn’t work), Why Life is Better Drunk (my favorite title but I felt a bit harsh for this crowd), and Yay for Alcohol (but I do have teenage stepkids and what kind of example is that??)
You go into the liquor store these days and can’t help but be bombarded by all of the wine labels that reference motherhood: Mommy’s Time Out; Mommy Juice; Mad Mama (I may have made that one up), blah, blah, blah. Some would say American moms are kicking back a few, enough to make wine marketers take notice. So, I created my list of why…
1. The inconsequential problems of my life dissolve like the sugar I pour into my Sangria (email me for a great recipe!!)
2. Pain doesn’t hurt. The physical kind at least. The emotional kind sticks around and if you drink too much wine, tears of all kinds start pouring out and you are crying because you love life so much or crying because you are wondering how the hell you ended up where you are.
3. It takes the edge off of all those unfulfilled dreams that keep pestering you like post-nasal drip. You keep clearing your throat and they keep coming back.
4. Guilt vanishes over most behavior like eating another cookie or thumbing your nose at the dinner dishes. You will need something harder or prescribed by a doctor to absolve your guilt over behavior more extreme than above examples.
5. Going out in the blazing sun, cocktail in hand, without sunscreen, doesn’t cause pre-mature aging or pre-cancerous moles or pre-anything but a sexy tan.
6. The loss of fine motor skills makes up for the loss of control over the behavior of the children that happen to be in the room at the time.
7. The flab on my triceps doesn’t seem so bad. In fact, what flab?
8. I appreciate my body as it is right now and not give in to my bouts of Body Dysmorphic Disorder.
9. I take two minutes to appreciate the fact that my son has two parents who love each other as apposed to mine that did not.
10. I can count all the way to ten after being ignored by my son who I have asked/told/yelled at/lost my sh#$t over/ to stop pulling the dog’s ears.
In my opinion, these are all valid reasons to drink wine. I once read a quote that if you think something is bad and you do it, it is very detrimental to your health. Some of you may remember my extremely short experiment in the fall giving up wine. I was under the false impression that wine was bad for me. I have changed my tune on that one. When your life is not your own because you are raising children, you need a release. I have said too much. Yes, Wine Is Good…Very Good.