“Would you like to save the world from the degradation and destruction it seems destined for? Then quietly go to work on your own self-awareness. If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation.” 
― Lao Tzu
I have clung to almost every vice to be had on this psycho planet of ours: food, alcohol, shopping, vampire novels. By the grace of God, I always had a healthy fear of drugs or I never would have made it out of my twenties. The attachment to these mind numbing distractions has long been known as a cover for the dark and negative places in myself. But somewhere along the way, these temporary escapes lost their effectiveness and all that remained was an ugly habit. For months (maybe even years) I have been hearing a whisper that I need to step up. I need to stop slacking on the things I wish to change about myself. Usually I quiet down that whisper with a chocolate chip cookie or a glass of wine. The time to do nothing is over.
I spent most of this past weekend in a comatose state on the couch. It was masked as a cozy weekend watching movies by the fire to my five-year-old but in reality I was in shock and couldn’t physically move. The few times I was off the couch, I was on my knees. I can’t honestly remember the last time I prayed on my knees, although this time I wasn’t praying. I was sobbing. I have sobbed for the children who lost their lives on Friday and I have sobbed with gratitude that it was not my son. It could have been. He is a kindergartener in a school exactly like Sandy Hook.
For those of us who didn’t lose our babies, we were spared. It was a close call. And for me, a wake-up call. For a while now, I have been meaning to get around to changing a few things about my habits, behavior, life. Many of the emails and posts coming through the past few days have been entitled “What can I do?” There are many things we can all do: we can send prayers, we can send donations, we can give our time. But there is also something just as important we can do: WE CAN CHANGE.
The petty problems and grievances of Thursday, December 13th turned to dust a day later. All of the crap we thought was so damn important, we learned wasn’t. I am not letting those babies die in vain. All of the things I have told myself are too hard to do make me ashamed of myself. The old cliché “If not now, when?” is screaming at me right now. From having more patience and showing more affection to halting the incessant iPhone checking (what is that about anyway?) and finally controlling what I put in my mouth. They all sound like New Year’s Resolutions but we are all here to better ourselves and so rarely do we actually do it. The little things are superficial but have their importance. The harder things are vital to the future of our species. Did any of us really think our world was headed in the right direction? We are called now to BE the change. Especially mothers. It is vital we show our children how to love, how to be kind, how to be present in the moment, how to be accepting, and how to forgive. So often we feel like we have no influence over these little humans who are pulled in so many directions already. But they are listening and watching. It is our duty to raise them right with simplicity, patience and compassion.
There is no other choice now.
“I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures. ― Lao Tzu
