Losses and Gains

The good news is I am not pregnant. (I really thought I was.)

The bad news is I am not pregnant. (I just look like I am.)

I have gained ten pounds in two months. That is very ambitious eating. For the past two months I have been either eating food or shopping for food to eat later.

Did you know that there is a well researched piece of documentation in the world entitled The Life Events Inventory? I was unaware of this. I was also unaware that moving is on that list. It ranks only slightly lower than death of a family member or being incarcerated. Well, maybe quite a bit lower than those two but it ranks right above sexual difficulties. That makes sense.

The last day of summer camp callously coincided with our move out of our wonderful house of eight years into a temporary apartment. In the time between camp ending (August 12^th) and school starting (September 8^th), I have lost a few things and I have gained a few things.

What I have lost:

I lost my beloved cat of fourteen years due to the circle of life, whom we put to sleep three days before we moved. I lost my dog, who is vacationing in Vermont while we are in the apartment. I was not about to walk an untrained eighty pound Labrador on a leash. I lost my yard to keep my high octane son busy. I lost the ability to know if the sun is shining unless I step outside. Our pad is practically in the basement. I lost my routine (yoga who?) and basically every ounce of who I was while J was in school. For one month, I neglected to listen to my music, exercise with any regularity, or have any fun whatsoever. I became a full-time butler-on-duty (my son’s current favorite phrase because he gets to say “butt” and “doodie”). For the last month, I lost just about everything that made me, me.

What I have gained:

I have gained ten pounds, all in my middle, from the emotional eating and drinking that got me through our move and started to take up residency in our apartment while my husband was traveling. I had to finally kick the oreos and mojitos to the curb when it was starting to become a habit.

I have gained perspective. After some settling in, I got back to experiencing joy in our new surroundings and in our new routine. We are playing soccer in the road of the development and it’s fun. I feel like we are street kids from the seventies yelling “car!” to move to the side to let the cars pass. My sheltered four-year-old is learning how to navigate around cars and not walk and look backward or he will plow into one.

I have gained the knowledge that home really is where your heart is. This little apartment is where my husband comes home to and is where my son sleeps so peacefully and is where I am filled with the appreciation for the love we carry with us as a family wherever we live.

Today was the first day of school. We stepped out our door this morning to be greeted by three fire trucks and a Channel 12 news van. There was a major gas leak in the next building over and apparently that is serious stuff. I drove J to school then headed back to the development. I was on a mission to exercise guilt-free for the first time in many weeks.

I got on my exercise sneakers and headed to the gym across the driveway. I stopped to ask about the two giant flames shooting out of the gas lines a hundred yards away.

“It is currently contained” the fireman told me. Good enough for me! Having been reassured by authorities, I headed for that mill.

“Aren’t you concerned right now?” a fellow apartment occupant asked me in the hallway as I started toward the gym.

“Are you kidding me? Today is the first day of pre-school and nothing is getting in between me and my treadmill. And that includes an impending gas explosion.” She didn’t look the part of a mom with kids in school. She just didn’t understand.

Running again, listening to my music was a freedom worth the wait. The struggle of the last month melted and all I could feel was the joy of the present moment. This tiny slice of my life was so unbelievably perfect, gas flames in full view and all. I could only throw my head back and laugh. God bless the first day of school.